February was a bit of a disappointment. Due to stress over some personal issues, I stopped writing in the middle of the month because I had absolutely zero motivation, and what writing I did get done in the first half of the month was minimal. I was in such an emotional state, I ditched all of my social media and any source of news because it was making things worse (I’ve since tried to find a way to organize everything in a way that doesn’t stress me out, and Tweetdeck helps a lot with Twitter, but Facebook is still a tire-fire that makes me want to burn things).
Otherwise, I’ve been struggling a while with my perception of my writing ability (in fact, at one point this month, I wondered if I should just quit and open up an Etsy shop for my cross-stitch. At least cross-stitch is easy and doesn’t cause existential breakdowns), and I got caught up in the anxiety of publishing and oh god what if I can’t get an agent and what if no one likes my books and so on. I’m trying to rein in and focus on what I can do, today, and try not to think about the what-ifs of the future and kicking myself for not getting to them sooner. Thanks to some back-and-forth emails with my Critique Partner (aka Brittany), I’m feeling a bit better about things, and I’m starting to have a bit of motivation again. The source of stress has passed now, and after two weeks of doing nothing but cross-stitch and video games, I’m starting to feel myself again. It’s been a roller-coaster of a month, y’all.
Before I get into my (abysmal) word counts for the month, I wanted to touch on an idea I had the other day (while showering, of course). Back when Patreon first launched in ye olden days of 2013, I considered starting a page for my writing, but I felt that I didn’t have enough regular content to share and make it worth anyone’s while to pledge money to me. I’ve considered it a few times since, but never really tried to see if I could make it a thing.
Over the past few days, I’ve been tinkering around the site and seeing what I might do to provide value to patrons without causing myself too much undue stress. If anyone would like to take a look at the preview (totally unfinished) and offer advice and suggestions for what I might improve, I would be eternally grateful. I was at a bit of a loss at first for what rewards to offer and at what dollar value, so I’d especially love some feedback on that.
I don’t intend to launch anytime soon, with my emotional state and stress levels still in such flux (working on it), but it’s something that I would like to try in the future, maybe in August once kiddo starts Kindergarten and I have more time to write and create content for such a thing. I think it would be a good way for me to share content without having to be on Twitter and whatnot.
Take a look, and let me know if it’s something you might be interested in: Patreon Preview Link
February Word Counts:
Blog Posts: 662 THE MERMAID AND THE BEAST: 5157 Brainstorming: 200
Total Words for February: 6019 Total Words for 2018: 29,849
Plans for March:
I’m going to try to dive back into work, but I’m not going to try to hit a specific word count for the month, because I feel like the pressure of that is just too much for me. I’m going to do something a little different and have a goal of three sentences a day. More than likely, I will write more than three sentences a day, but I think the act of just sitting down and making myself write that little amount will help me get back into the rhythm of things and not beat myself up for not writing 1000-2000 words. I have to do something differently because it’s clear that what I’m doing isn’t working.
I’m likely going to split the month between writing more on THE MERMAID AND THE BEAST and editing REBEL ENGINEER. My Critique Partner got back to me on that (her email is what kicked me out of my slump and made me motivated again) and she has a lot of good suggestions for making the book better, which I’m excited about (and maybe dreading a bit because work). So I’ll probably stick to the three sentences a day on THE MERMAID AND THE BEAST and maybe a chapter of edits a day on REBEL ENGINEER (editing is so much easier than drafting), and see where that gets me by the end of the month.
Also, because of this emotional train-wreck that is my brain right now, I will not be doing any appearances or events for the next few months, maybe longer. I’m not very good at being around people right now, and the last thing I want to do is sign myself up to be around a whole bunch of them.
I hope you’re all doing well, and though I’m not on social media right now, you can always access me by email: [email protected].